Enough

As I’ve been trying to work some new practices into my daily life (with the hopes of finding some sanity and peace), this past week everything I’ve read or listened to has come down to the same theme – YOU ARE ENOUGH.

Interesting how the universe knows just what you need to hear, when you need to hear it.  Of course.

Three years ago, I made the decision to give up a job that I loved to be at home with my new baby boy.  This was a baby we thought we would never have – and were overjoyed at the gift that he was!  We assumed (ha!) that we would be parents of only him… so the thought of staying home for roughly five years with just my little buddy sounded wonderful.  I was in!

During the first 15 months of his life, I resigned from my job; my husband began his Masters degree; we sold our townhouse; bought a home; and two weeks after moving, found out I was pregnant again!  What?!  Life was about to get even more interesting.

Our baby girl was born 4 weeks premature… right in the midst of her brother’s “terrible twos.”  He didn’t handle it well – too much change.  Too much stress.  Aggression became his coping mechanism of choice.  I felt like I was in over my head.

By the time our little girl turned one, I was dreaming of going back to work.  Getting a break from the chaos that was my daily life…  But the truth of the matter was, the jobs I am trained for don’t pay well.  I would be working only to pay daycare costs.  And that seemed just silly.

So here I am.  Sawyer, our little boy, is three.  Ruby is 18 months.  They make me laugh.  They make me wonder.  We play.  We learn.  We are growing together.  Life is new everyday.  And as summer is around the corner, I’m excited for what adventures we will have this year!

But.  There are days when I still wonder if I would be a better mom if I worked outside of the home.  I find myself doubting my abilities all the time.  I doubt my patience.  I doubt my temperament.  My creativity.  My energy.  My planning.  My willingness to venture out of my comfort zone.  My sanity…

Some days are just, very simply, not fun.  Earlier this week was one of those days.  I was going to lose my mind.

And then I took a few minutes to meditate.  The message throughout my guided meditation?  “You are enough.”

The next day, I went for a walk.  The message on my podcast?  “You are enough.”

I’m reading a couple of different books…  The underlying themes?  “You are enough.”

I’m spending the day with a dear friend tomorrow.  Guess what she’ll tell me?  “You are enough.”

It’s true.  I may not be the best mom on earth.  I may not have a Pinterest craft ready everyday; an exciting field trip; a recipe to whip up with the kids. I may not be able to always smile through the rough patches…  But.  My kids get lots of hugs and giggles.  We play together.  We imagine together.  We talk about being kind, helpful, and brave.  We visit with family and friends.  We get outside.  We get messy.  They are learning to be little people…  And I’m still learning how to “mom.”  And we’re doing it together.

I am enough.  Enough for me.  Enough for them.  I’m breathing that in.  And out.  And back in,  All day long.  And I hope I’m teaching them that they, too, are enough.  Always.

I hope you’ll join me on this journey – and know that you, too, wherever you may be in life…  You are enough.
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